My friends, they love my intelligence
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
