Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
