I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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