You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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