yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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