I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
