actually, I'm a sock model
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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