wrigley field is MILF paradise
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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