elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
