You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
