in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
