Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
