I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize