this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
