remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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