I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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