Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
