I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
