As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dick very happy bro
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
