Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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