She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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