She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
