did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
