she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
