I accidentally had phone sex last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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