A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
