Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
