ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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