Soap is not a condiment
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
