plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
