I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Randomize
