Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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