Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
