As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
