Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
