He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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