OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
