Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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