So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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