Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Randomize
