i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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