Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
