look no pants
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
