I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
