All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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