i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
