I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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