I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
