Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my shit smells like andre
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
