she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
