im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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