idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
