this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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