You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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