i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
