So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
