I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is the high leading the old right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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