u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
