Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
