you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
