You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
