I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
