She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
