I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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