So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
