guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
