I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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