I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
