I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My pussy is not your playground.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
