I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
