u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
