Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
