I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
