She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
