She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
