im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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