I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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