We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
