I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize