Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
