He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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