My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
