Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i love accidental penises.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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