Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Still dying that you shit outside
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
