It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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