This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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