just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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