You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
