I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
